Watching You Sleep {but not in a creepy way!}

There are so many things I don't want to forget. I want them to be etched into my brain so I can clearly relive them even after they've gone.

Like when he climbs into bed with me in the morning. Icy fingers brushing my face, prodding my eyelids with "you wake mum?" He wriggles himself under the blankets and those icy fingers feel around until they find my hand. And we hold hands, under the blanket & I never want the moment to end.

I ask him what we should do today and he ponders the question with one finger held up to his pursed lips; an expression that I know he has learnt from me..."hmmm I don't know...maybe..." and he begins to dream up wonderful possibilities for the day. That expectant excitement for the day, when do we lose that? When do we stop seeing possibilities and instead see duties?
I pray, handsome boy, that you never stop 'dreaming big' and that you live a big, expansive, full life because we know that's the life He died to give us*.

You and I have been sick this week. Daddy was out and Rory was already in bed so we snuggled in Mum & Dad's bed. To be honest, I took you in there with me because I really needed to lie down but then you fell asleep and I couldn't take my eyes off you. My precious boy. Words sometimes escape me when it comes to you. Again you took hold of my hand and I lay beside you & watched you sleep. Every now & then your wracking cough would escape & be spluttered over me but I dared not turn away for fear of waking you. I was reminded at that moment of how deep a mother's love runs. We would take bullets for our children, what is a pesky cold in the scheme of things?

Still asleep, you turn your body & suddenly your giraffe is wedged in my face. Oh that stinky, very well loved giraffe, whose legs & tail remain a permanent shade of light brown due to all your sucking, despite it's many washes. I don't turn away though. I love & embrace giraffe simply because you love giraffe. (I do find myself silently praying for some special anointing so I don't catch any more of your sick germs!) Giraffe makes me think of the future, when you won't want to snuggle in bed with Mum. When your job or relationship or country of residence or any other choice you might make, gets put in my face. Will I love it simply because you love it? Will I embrace it anyway? Maybe, Maybe not. I will always love you but I won't always love the decisions you make (ain't that the truth Mum!)

The days of carrying around that stinky giraffe will soon be over but for now I'm going to enjoy that stinky brown fur, holding hands with my little love under the blanket, dreaming of exciting things to fill our days & trying not to think of the days when he doesn't want to do it anymore.

*John 10:10 (AMP) The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).

Excuse the dodgy iphone photos but couldn't resist a sneaky snap!

Cuddling on the lounge after his nap watching 'Cars'

Road trippin' with the fam bam

Aaah holidays...how I love you!
We have just arrived back from almost three weeks of uninterrupted family time. In the warmth of Queensland. Bliss.

Driving to the Gold Coast with two smalls was surprisingly fun. Zero leg room for me ensured that there was enough room for one huge bag of activities and one huge bag of snacks. Both were decimated.

We spectated a small running race* of which my husband participated. We cheered & yelled. We rushed from place to place, eager to find the best observation point. We took photos. We drank coffee & we waited. Congratulation kisses, a dream not quite realised but so proud all the same.

A wonderful apartment with a million dollar view. Precious time with the in-laws & coffee aplenty.

Then on the road again, for an insanely relaxing week with the in-laws. What a treat! Cakes & pies were baked, special meals made, babysitting offered frequently & tv watched with our feet up on the recliner chairs!

Stolen naps under mohair rugs.
chapters devoured of novels in the sun on the deck (yep, you heard me people, novels...I actually finished two whilst on holidays. Hello free time!)
Traipsing around new op shops.
That infectious giggle of a child playing 'chase' with his parents. Having both of their undivided attentions.
The annual 'Blokus'* tournament was battled out again. I believe I received the crown of 'Ultimate Champion' but that may be in dispute by some.
New adventures to be had every day & fears conquered. Harper has a new found love of the slippery dip & swimming after pushing through with things that sometimes scare him.

Harper & Rory thoroughly enjoyed their time with Grandma & Grandpa & fond memories were created. The broken sleep that goes hand in hand with the port-a-cot did not dampen the blissful mood of holidays nor the frequent falls out of bed. 

We meandered home, a little reluctantly. Stopping to take in the organic goodness & hippie vibe that only Byron can deliver.
An overnight stop, in a little town near Taree, will forever be remembered for the best french toast I've ever consumed. That's totally a legit memory right!?!

And then we were home. Greeted by my parents bearing bags of groceries, veges from their garden, freshly made scones & jam drops AND dinner...so blessed.

A wonderful break that ticked every box. Now to plan the next one.

*Umm, yeah, that would be a marathon actually.

*Board game of ultimate skill & strategy.

Here a few of my favourite photos. All credit to my wonderful Mother in Law for these- she has captured the memories beautifully.

Status Updates

 

Oaky doky, it seems I have fallen off my blogging bike. Can’t say it’s because of any fantastic exciting reason just the general fullness of daily life with two smalls I guess.

I’ve had a few posts floating around my head but getting pen to paper (so to speak) just doesn’t seem to eventuate.

So I was thinking about all the posts I could have/should have done but thought I’d give you a snapshot of the last couple of months since my last post. (Whoops, two months between posts is pathetic!)

I have a few pet hates. If you know me well then you would know that one of them is Facebook status updates. I am moving away from Facebook as a whole (probably because I’ve found instagram which I love a whole lot more) & I very rarely do a status update. I guess, because I have spent time thinking about my motivation behind writing them. I mean, what is the point?

Over time I have been guilty of posting updates that I think roughly fall into 2 categories.

* The ‘look at me’ post. Yep this is the glory post. The ‘I’ve just done something flippin amazing and I think the world needs to know’ post. Could also be somewhere you are going or doing that is pretty cool. Or a run down of all the things you have completed in a day.

You know the type… “Taleah…is packing for NYE in Prague” (yep these are real examples!) or “Taleah…is the proud owner of two black toenails & a marathon PB”

* The ‘pity party’ post. The woe is me, life is very hard post. The goal: to make people feel sorry for you. “Taleah…is sooo sick”. Taleah...is at home with a very sick baby".

I have often found myself writing an update then asking myself why do I feel the need to write that? Most of the time it is for one of the above reasons. So now, in general, I don’t do them.

Except for now…here are three status updates that I would never write with an explanation that will get you mostly up to date on the last 2 months of my life.

“Hello 1950’s Housewife”

Yes, of late I have been returning to a much simpler way of life. I’ll probably do a post on a few of these later but I have attempted to make my own baby wipes, & washing powder, baked bread & made almond milk from scratch. I have shopped at the farmers markets & unplugged the microwave. It is liberating on so many levels.

“Gosh I love my physio”

Yep, I really do. I’d probably still go just for a chat even if I didn’t have an issue! You may remember that I had planned to do a half marathon in July, well there were a few things that made me change my mind about doing it. One of which was the continued hip pain that I had while pregnant. I decided to get this sorted and have not run in like, forever. The physio has finally given the go ahead to start some run/walking so I’m keen as to get back out there (as soon as this crazy weather subsides!)

Only took 8 months but I’ve finally had a full nights sleep!

That’s right, we are on day 24 of Rory sleeping through (not that I’m counting or anything).  I was a wreck. A walking, talking zombie. I tried everything too. Dream feed, no dream feed, more solids, different wraps, better days sleeps, no day sleeps, rocking to sleep, patting in the cot…you name it, I tried it.

So what was it? I hear you say. A desperate plea to the one who made her, who knows her even better than me. An “I can’t do this in my own strength anymore, you need to sort her out” kind of prayer. And he did. As soon as I stopped trying to fix it myself. And doesn’t it make a difference?! I’m a different woman, in fact, come to think of it, all the things I mentioned in status one have been done in the last 24 days! Prior to that I was lucky to get dressed!

So there you have it. Are you a fan of the status update? Clichéd or a way to debrief? What are your thoughts?

I’m going to go an update my status right now…to inform the world I have blogged! Go figure!

Taleah

ps. here are a few of my favourite facebook ecards (http://www.someecards.com)

The Real Deal {Tea with Me]

If you were to tea with me today I'd tell you that I was challenged recently by a post Em, from Teacups Too wrote regarding social media & the partial truths that can be portrayed on the internet. She posted a link to a fantastic article by Shauna Niequest called "Stop instagramming your perfect life".

I've been mulling over similar thoughts for a while now as I vacillate between ideas for blog posts & ways in which I write them.

I want to be real. I want this space to be real.
A place to record memories. A place to inspire people not make them feel inadequate.

I want to share the everyday AND the exceptional. The successes AND the challenges.

So this is the 'real deal' tea post (complete with the photos we never post!)

In fact, no tea this morning, I'd probably suggest coffee. No, not instant; the good stuff. It's one of those mornings. Actually it's been one of those mornings for at least the last month and a bit. I feel like I am walking around in a sleep deprived stupor & coffee is the only thing that clears the hazy morning cloud over my head.  Of course, I would have to clear a path to the coffee machine...

I would have to apologise for the smell as you walked in today; there is a bag of nappies in the hallway waiting to be taken to the bin (ahem...did I just take the 'keeping it real' a step too far!?!)

I'd ask you if you ever felt like you weren't enough? If you'd ever read someone's blog or looked at an instagram feed and wondered why your life/house/kids/husband wasn't as exciting/eventful/clean/pretty/amazing/talented/coordinated/good looking etc etc (create sentence as appropriate!)

It's so true isn't it...our lives can look better on the internet. I really enjoy scrolling through my own instagram photos (can I really say that?). Its a collection of really lovely photos. Highlights, special events, times when my kids looked cute, amazing foods I've made, times my hair looked good...you get the idea!

But it's only a snippet of my life. A small glimpse at my real, messy, sinful life. I've got to be honest...I'm not what you would call a natural homemaker (gasp...no!). You would be hard pressed to find a spot on the lounge to sit today to have your coffee. The lounge room is a bomb & you would probably find Harper with his eyes glued to ABC for kids.

We don't post photos of the messy & unlovely. Just the good bits.

I'd tell you that I think that social media has the potential to breed discontent & only we are responsible for how we let it affect us. I find it's so easy to get sucked into the comparison game, we can become so quick to judge. What if we cared more about the cleanliness of our hearts than the cleanliness of our homes? What if, instead of comparing & judging & justifying & wanting & striving & outdoing...we just got alongside & cheered & encouraged & celebrated?

And then I would realise that I had talked your ear off...oops. I'll go make us another coffee! I would probably apologise for being too 'real' & promise that next time you come I will clean the house haha!


(Linking up with Em for her regular 'Tea with me' posts)

On days like these {A beautiful exchange}

You were up half the night with a sick little girl and wake to her cries now. Breakfast needs making...again. The dishwasher needs emptying...again. Dare I say it but last nights dinner pots need washing. Breakfast gets made, slapped together haphazardly; only to have him turn his nose up at it. My coffee goes cold as I realise Josh's* shirt needs ironing. Another job I relegated to late at night once kids were in bed which got forgotten amidst the long list of other jobs. My patience wanes as jam is rubbed into the carpet and greasy peanut butter fingers smear the window to wave bye to Dad.

The day goes on, tantrums are dealt with, sleep battled with. The balancing act of doing housework and playing with the kids. I begin to question myself. Am I providing Harper* with enough 'educational' activities? Is Rory* meeting her milestones? I should attempt solids again with her, what is one more week in the scheme of things? Do you think it's ok to serve eggs on toast for dinner again tonight?

I fall into bed, knowing I'll do it all again tomorrow.

Did I actually get anything achieved today??

But as I lay there and reflect on my day, I know there's more.

More to life than this.

If there wasn't, what would be the point?

You might remember that recently I made a decision to read my bible...really read it. It is on days like these that I feel that quiet whisper, calling me to Himself.
On days like these when I have so many demands placed on my time. Why would I possibly want to add another 'have to' to the list? Surprisingly the more I do it, the more I want to do it. 

So I make myself a cup of tea and open the Word. Sometimes it's only a minute but I know His words are life and they are changing me, one little minute at a time.

Its such a phenomenon. A miracle really. Its supernatural. I can't explain it. Something happens when I open that book; when I immerse myself in His life giving words. The world shifts, changes. What was once an effort becomes effortless. And suddenly, days like these become acts of worship to the one who made me.

Cheeks smeared with jam fill me with joy as I can't help but admire how gorgeous my son is. Anger in the heat of the moment makes me ever so thankful for His grace. The tantrums no longer determine the mood of our home.

Peace invades my soul and I'm ready to get back out there.

Ready to read "The Cranky Bear" for the 9th time that day (not even kidding!) and I even find the energy & enthusiasm to do the voices that I know bring Harper so much joy. 

Spending time with God changes me.

A beautiful exchange takes place.

Less of me & more of Him.

My weakness for His strength.

Thank you Jesus for days like these. For showing me beauty in the mundane.

Sometimes this is the only way it happens.

**Side note, from now on my kids will be referred to by their proper names. Harper & Aurora (or Rory) & my husband as Josh & bestie as Anna. Phew, I'm sick of using their nicknames and anyone with half a brain could have figured it out anyway which defeats the point of actually having a pseudo name!

#ResolveBabyResolve

A well deserved break to Sydney was had last week.
Refreshed & refocused at the Hillsong Colour Conference. 
Special Mumma & daughter time.

You are part of the sisterhood my darling girl, future world changer!

A conference for women, from around the world. A humanitarian conference. Women worshipping our magnificent God, hearing from international speakers, delving into the Word & being equipped for the job at hand. Being reminded of the value of womanhood and the power of 'sisterhood'.

One word which came up time and time again for me was 'resolve'.

Resolve: A firm determination or commitment to do something (thanks google dictionary)

Growing in God is not accidental. We must be intentional.

{So here it is::truth:: it's time to #resolvebabyresolve.}

The insatiable hunger for the word of God, that's what I want. I'm not content to know bits of the bible, to read when I feel like I have time or when times are tough and I'm looking for answers. Nope, unless I resolve, nothing is going to change. 

I'm resolving to be firmly planted in the word of God. Day in and day out. No excuses. 
Not because I have too, but because I desperately want to know the one who created me, better. 

"These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on." Matthew 7:25 (MSG)

"There's nothing like the written word of God for showing you the way to salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. Every part of scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another - showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God's way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us." 2 Tim 3:16 (MSG)

These words speak to my heart in such a way that incites excitement. 

Such possibility & potential...

Who's in? Let's do this thing hey! Bring it on!

{TWO}

The day was perfect. Cake with friends for breakfast at our local, Mudcat. Opening presents as a family before Dad went to work. Cars a plenty. New car mat. Lots of playtime with Mummy. Daddy home for a quick lunch. Family over after work. More presents & a special cake.

Perfect. Low key. Relaxed. 

Just the way it should be.

Thanks to our friends & family who helped us celebrate, your presents were thoughtful & generous. He is having a ball with them!

Happy Birthday Gorgeous Boy

Two years ago, at 3:45am, I held you for the first time. I clutched you to my chest as I cried tears of joy that you were here and you were mine. I loved you from the minute I lay eyes on you...but I love you even more now.

I know it's cliche but it really is true how quickly these last two years have flown past. You are a walking, talking, happy & thoughtful boy. We are so proud of you! 

Here are a few of my favourite things:

*I love that you will use anything as a phone (or bone as you like to call it) and have lengthy chats while absentmindedly looking out the window or flicking through a book.

*You absolutely love when Dad gets home from work. You will listen for the garage opening then run to the door saying 'dad' 'open door'!

*You attach 'mmwaah' to all your kisses and will request 'one more' in a fitful of giggles as you try to escape the juicy mummy kisses.

*Your favourite colour is purple.

*You love your little sister (Awowa or wor-wor as she is more affectionately known by you) and like giving her kisses. You are so helpful and will go and get mummy things when she needs them.

*You are starting to put little 2-3word sentences together, which completely blows my mind. I have spent my whole working life explaining to other parents about language development and now I am experiencing it first hand.

*You love reading your Bible every night before bed and holding hands with Mummy & Daddy as we pray. When asked what you would like to thank God for, you often mention friends and family but we also pray regularly for the car, pram and even butter and avacado.

*It can be hard to distinguish whether you want apple, bible or purple - they are pretty much the same word.

*By far, your favourite people in the world are your Nan & Pop. If you are not with them, you are talking about them, talking to them on your pretend phone or looking out for them in cars or buses that go past us. I hear you often say "that pop?...no,not pop."

*You love cars, buses, trains, boats, planes & helicopters. Cars are your favourite, especially your police car (peace car, as you say) and your Dad and I really love the red car song. (It just goes "red car, red car, red car", accompanied by a cute head wobble).

Gosh, we love you precious boy & praise God for you everyday. Happy 2nd Birthday!