{Old,New & Blue}: Watching You Sleep {but not in a creepy way!}

Friday 16 August 2013

Watching You Sleep {but not in a creepy way!}

There are so many things I don't want to forget. I want them to be etched into my brain so I can clearly relive them even after they've gone.

Like when he climbs into bed with me in the morning. Icy fingers brushing my face, prodding my eyelids with "you wake mum?" He wriggles himself under the blankets and those icy fingers feel around until they find my hand. And we hold hands, under the blanket & I never want the moment to end.

I ask him what we should do today and he ponders the question with one finger held up to his pursed lips; an expression that I know he has learnt from me..."hmmm I don't know...maybe..." and he begins to dream up wonderful possibilities for the day. That expectant excitement for the day, when do we lose that? When do we stop seeing possibilities and instead see duties?
I pray, handsome boy, that you never stop 'dreaming big' and that you live a big, expansive, full life because we know that's the life He died to give us*.

You and I have been sick this week. Daddy was out and Rory was already in bed so we snuggled in Mum & Dad's bed. To be honest, I took you in there with me because I really needed to lie down but then you fell asleep and I couldn't take my eyes off you. My precious boy. Words sometimes escape me when it comes to you. Again you took hold of my hand and I lay beside you & watched you sleep. Every now & then your wracking cough would escape & be spluttered over me but I dared not turn away for fear of waking you. I was reminded at that moment of how deep a mother's love runs. We would take bullets for our children, what is a pesky cold in the scheme of things?

Still asleep, you turn your body & suddenly your giraffe is wedged in my face. Oh that stinky, very well loved giraffe, whose legs & tail remain a permanent shade of light brown due to all your sucking, despite it's many washes. I don't turn away though. I love & embrace giraffe simply because you love giraffe. (I do find myself silently praying for some special anointing so I don't catch any more of your sick germs!) Giraffe makes me think of the future, when you won't want to snuggle in bed with Mum. When your job or relationship or country of residence or any other choice you might make, gets put in my face. Will I love it simply because you love it? Will I embrace it anyway? Maybe, Maybe not. I will always love you but I won't always love the decisions you make (ain't that the truth Mum!)

The days of carrying around that stinky giraffe will soon be over but for now I'm going to enjoy that stinky brown fur, holding hands with my little love under the blanket, dreaming of exciting things to fill our days & trying not to think of the days when he doesn't want to do it anymore.

*John 10:10 (AMP) The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).